Sunday, March 31, 2013

The sand at the core of my bones* ...

I just checked on the blog stats and realized that I had gone into an unplanned blog hiatus for a couple of weeks. Partly the reason is that I had a very bad feverish cold after those concerts I wrote about last (I'm probably too old to go out so much) that still has me coughing. Also not much worth reporting happened in the last couple of weeks - at least when you look from the outside. From the inside it is a completely different picture though. 

The process was going on already for a while, but it culminated when I stumbled immensly emotionally shaken after a concert out of the E-Werk in Cologne into the cold exactly as emotionally shaken as I had stumbled out of the same E-Werk into the equal cold twenty years ago. The band was different, the music was different, the effect on me was the same.
Processing what had happened, what this emotional shake up was about, I figured out that I had just rediscovered a part of my soul, of my deepest self that I had abandoned for about a decade. It felt - strange, sweet and painful at the same time and I am still busy to figure out what this all means. 


I know that abandoned is a strong word and it sounds much more negative than I actually mean it. Lots of things happened in the last ten years - wonderful and horrible things. I made a lot of decisions and thankfully I regret practically none of them. Even if they were wrong I gained more (experience, knowledge, wisdom) than I lost. I added people, places, things and songs to my life I cherish so much and would never give up again. But still ... the tides are changing and in a way a new era seems to rise or an old one returns or a new-old one starts all over? 


You know, I think life is a lot like baseball (and with that line I can practically see my lovely friend Eileen laughing out loud and nodding). At a certain moment it is your time to pick up the bat and to take your chance. And once you managed to hit the ball you have only half a wink of an eye time to judge the situation and make your decision to RUN.  You make it to first base. It is a new place. Your surrounding has changed, you check on your team mates possibly on the other bases and the one that picked up the bat after you. You check out the opposing players around you who want nothing more than getting you out before you make it to second base. And then comes your chance again and you RUN. Next base, same procedure. 

Finally you run again, you slide, you stretch, you probably fall and when you look up .... you are right where you started. Homebase. But it is NOT like nothing had happened.  The scoreboard is documenting the change, your team mates are right there to HI5 you, the guys in the other dugout grumble (you can't make everyone happy ... ever), but in the end the loop is closed.
So what is up next?  Well, you get up, you clean the sand from the core of your bones* off your clothes, you consider what the changed situation means to you -  and then you do it all again ...


And this is where I feel I am. I touched homebase, I am figuring out what had just happened and I am getting ready for the next run. Things likely will change. Probably more at my inside than my outside, but who knows?  I'll just take it base by base, because ... 


the land at end of my toes goes on, and on, and on, and on* ... 


---

* Neither the line about "the sand at the core of my bones" nor the one of about "the land at the end of my toes" is mine, but from the genius mind of Simon Neil of Biffy Clyro.
The lines are (slightly adapted) taken from the song "Sounds Like Balloons" out of the double album "Opposites" by Biffy Clyro.
The lines are also the titles to the two parts of "Opposites". "The Sand at the Core of Our Bones" is the first record that has a retrospective perspective while the theme of "The Land at the End of Our Toes" is an outlook into a mostly promising future.

The two concerts mentioned in my text above were:
The Black Crowes, E-Werk, Cologne,  November 17 1992

Biffy Clyro, E-Werk, Cologne, February 26 2013

And yes, if I ever have my own band I just call them The BCs, because that is obviously how I rock ;) 


The complete lyrics of "Sounds Like Balloons" by Simon Neil / Biffy Clyro:


Ancient Rome, we built that fucker stone by stone
Our fingers bled, our feet were worn
But we stood strong and carried on

Come on in, do you want to touch my bulbous head?

With features wrapped and stretched to death
A tiny nose is all that's left

This is not for your entertainment


The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on

The sand at the core of our bones, it blows on and on and on and on
The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on
The sand at the core of our bones continues on

The basement's gone, it seems they dug up all our land

The world was lowered man by man,
Let's move the sky and not join hands

Ancient Rome, we built that fucker stone by stone

Our fingers bled, our feet were worn
But we stood strong and carried on

This is not for your entertainment


The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on

The sand at the core of our bones, it blows on and on and on and on
The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on
The sand at the core of our bones continues on

Life still sounds like balloons

You chew and you chew and chew
Your teeth crumble to the floor
It's where they lay, it's where they lay
Our past never really dies
I don't think we even try
There's no difference from
Where we wake or where we die

Balloons, balloons, balloons


The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on

The sand at the core of our bones, it blows on and on and on and on
The land at the end of our toes goes on and on and on and on
The sand at the core of our bones continues on

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